The missing key to unlocking your best sex

It’s hard to not think of love and sex this week, and whether you’re coupled up or flying solo, it’s a great time to reacquaint yourself with what self-love is all about. One major way so many of us are missing out in that department? Denying ourselves the pleasure of our biggest, best, most mind-blowing orgasms imaginable. What if I told you that by simply adding one lifestyle tweak to your routine, you could gain game-changing insight into the exact kind of stimulation that will get you off and leave you satisfied and sexually fulfilled every day of the month? The solution isn’t complicated, and you owe it to yourself to unlock the secret.In so many ways, the tide finally feels like it’s starting to turn in favor of female empowerment. But there’s one (okay, more than one) major unspoken burden that continues to be placed on women, and it’s a deep-rooted mythology surrounding the female sex drive. Thanks to a long lineage of patriarchal norms and a society steeped in pornographic images catering to male pleasure, we’ve all been fed a big lie: you should feel the same level of desire and need the same kind of stimulation any day of any month, and that your sex drive is entirely separate from your period. Before I totally tear this myth to shreds, I have to preface it with this disclaimer: If you have a hormonal imbalance resulting in an unaddressed issue like PMS, PCOS, or a host of other endocrine problems, then yes, you may absolutely be experiencing a lower-than-normal libido. But those issues all have a simple fix one you find the right information. And yes, it’s also true that the stress of work, parenting, relationships, and more can all take you out of your sexy zone. But they can do that to men too...and yet you rarely hear about men grappling with these same struggles.

The One Piece of Info That’s Dampening Your Sex Drive

This isn’t a trivial topic, ladies: in our patriarchal, porn-obsessed culture, women — and men — just aren’t taught to understand female physiology. And that’s a big deal because our bodies don’t work on the same 24-hour clock that men’s bodies do. Our needs, emotions, energy, and desires fluctuate from week to week of each cycle, and you better believe those hormonal ups and downs have a major effect on sex drive and performance.We’re about to get real here, so listen up: we all know there’s nothing more frustrating than having a mismatch in your sex drives and moods. For example, imagine a time when your partner is all raring to go and wants to have the kind of hot and heavy, fast and furious sex that would be great if you were in your ovulatory phase, but you’re not; you’re in your way more lowkey luteal phase and you’re biologically craving long, drawn-out, sensual sexy time (think: a half-hour make-out session followed by all the heavy petting and clitoral stimulation you can get). This situation is not win-win, your choices are to go along for the ride and risk not enjoying yourself the way you want, or to say no to the advance all together. Told you. #RealTalk.This scenario isn’t fun, and it often leaves you frustrated. But I guarantee if your partner knew which week it was according to your cycle and what exactly her or she had to do in advance of your sex session to help you enjoy the moment, he or she’d get to business! Not only would you both get exactly what you wanted out of the interaction, but there’d be no emotional baggage, no blaming, no passive aggression or overt aggression — basically, you’d both avoid all the bad kind of friction and only get the extra good kind of friction.

Female Sexuality Isn’t Static; It’s Cyclical

This insight isn’t just essential for couples though — understanding your cycle can completely transform your solo play experience (which, by the way, is crucial to good hormonal health). There’s this expectation that we should all feel the same and be turned on the same way and have the same kind of response that we do in our ovulatory phase (when our sex drives are soaring) every day of the month. But that’s just not biologically accurate or sound and it’s a totally unreasonable standard to hold yourself to. All that unrealistic expectation does is disconnect you from your sexuality — again, not cool. Your body has a cyclical pattern and you need to acknowledge that in the way you’re self pleasuring. Each week of your cycle, your hormones change and you need to approach your sex life accordingly. One week, you might just need a few minutes of quick stimulation to get off, and other weeks, you might need to break out the lube and read something that really turns on you. Your specific desire depends entirely on what’s happening with your hormones, and knowing that information will empower you to access the right tools in your arsenal at the right time.

Meeting Your Sexual Needs Matters More Than You Think

If you think these are trivial details, thing again: by omitting the female physiological experience from the sex drive conversation, women are made to constantly feel at fault for failing to rise to the occasion. If you’re not feeling super hot and ready for action, you can’t help but feel like there’s something wrong with you or you’re falling short in some way. This only perpetuates the inner critical voice that further disconnects us from our bodies and denies us the right to get our own needs met. This perspective doesn’t make any sense, and once you become tuned into the very real hormonal fluctuations that affect your drive and desire (and the strategies for working with them, not against them), you won’t believe you ever spent a minute feeling bad about your own biology. Knowing your body and making choices that complement its inherent wisdom will embolden you with profound confidence — a quality that’s infinitely more sexy than any piece of lacy lingerie.

The Solution to the Sex Drive Disparity

So what’s the solution here? It’s simple: Download the MyFlo app now and watch everything fall into place. If you’re trying to set up a more cycle-friendly solo play schedule, the app will get to know your unique cycle and offer suggestions for how to make the most out of everyday activities — including self-pleasuring. And if you’re coupled up, count on the one-of-a-kind Partner Sync feature. It actually sends timely emailed updates on where you're at in your cycle so they always know how you feel and what you need. I've been cycle syncing my marriage since the beginning and can tell you...it's a game changer. Let go of the guilt and get the love you deserve, ladies — it’s time! Love and ovaries,Alisa

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